The Quiet Landing: Why Children Need Time After School

Meagan Ledendecker • February 9, 2026

When we pick up our children from school, it’s almost automatic to ask, “How was your day?”

And just as automatically, the answers tend to fall flat: fine, good, okay, or sometimes nothing at all.

As adults, we can probably relate. When someone asks about our day, we don’t always feel like revisiting every detail, especially before we’ve had a chance to rest or reset. For children, this challenge is even greater.

In Montessori environments, children are immersed in experiences that are rich, complex, and often difficult to put into words. How does a young child explain the sensorial experience of carefully carrying each cube of the Pink Tower across the room? Or describe the quiet satisfaction of discovering that ten tens create a hundred square? Or articulate the subtle social negotiations that happen during community lunch?

Even for older children, language often lags behind experience.

Why “How Was Your Day?” Can Feel Like Too Much

As children move into the elementary years, they are also navigating peer relationships that are still very black and white. A single interaction can color their entire perception of the day. So their reports may sound overly simple: someone was mean, someone was nice, the day was bad, the day was good.

But often, the issue isn’t that children don’t want to share. Instead, the timing is off.

Research on children’s nervous systems helps explain why. When children walk out of school, their brains are often still in a state of high alert. Throughout the day they’ve managed noise, social expectations, concentration, corrections, and constant stimulation. Their nervous system hasn’t fully shifted out of “school mode” yet.

So it helps if we remember that we aren’t greeting children in their most rational state.

Those first minutes after pickup are a transition, not a conversation window. When we jump in with questions too quickly, even well-meaning ones, we may unintentionally overwhelm our children’s nervous system, which hasn’t had time to settle.

Connection Before Conversation

In Montessori, we place great importance on transitions. We know children need time to move from one state of being to another, whether that’s arriving at school, moving between activities, or going home at the end of the day.

Instead of starting with questions, we can start with presence.

When we first see our children, a warm greeting that communicates “I’m happy to see you” goes a long way. Some children need a snack. Some need quiet. Some need movement, proximity, or simply space. This is not the moment to gather information. This is the moment to re-establish connection.

When families allow even 10 to 12 minutes of quiet decompression after school, through silence, music, or simply being together, children regulate more quickly. Evening stress decreases, cooperation improves, and children are more likely to talk voluntarily later on.

Rather than interrogating right after school. Try coexisting. This pause is deeply respectful.

When Children Are Ready to Talk

Later, after your child has had time to settle back into your care, you may notice that conversation begins naturally. This is often when children share what mattered most to them, not what we might have thought to ask about.

When you do open the door to conversation, gentle specificity helps. Broad questions like “How was your day?” can feel overwhelming. Instead, try comments that invite reflection without pressure:

“I noticed you seemed really focused when I picked you up.”
“I’m here if you want to tell me about something you worked on today.”
“What felt good about today?”

Just as important as the words is our availability. Putting down the phone, pausing the logistics, and showing with our body language that we are truly listening makes it safer for children to share.

Listening for Timing, Not Just Content

This approach applies across ages. Even adolescents benefit from what some call a “quiet landing” after school. When we honor timing, we’re less likely to walk into the emotional residue of the day and more likely to build cooperation and connection later.

In Montessori, we often say: regulation comes before reflection. Children don’t need us to extract their feelings. They need us to create the conditions where feelings can land safely.

Sometimes that looks like silence. Sometimes it looks like presence. And sometimes, after enough space has been given, it looks like a child finally saying exactly what mattered most.

So the question isn’t just “Do I listen to what my child says?” And instead becomes: “Do I listen for when they’re ready to speak?”

Curious to learn more strategies to support your child during transitions? Set up a time to come visit here in Lenox, MA. We love to connect!

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The Most Important Montessori Practice You Rarely Hear About

By Meagan Ledendecker • February 9, 2026

One of the quieter, less visible practices in a Montessori elementary classroom is the Child-Guide conference. You may never see it listed on a schedule or mentioned in a weekly update, yet it plays a profound role in children’s experience at school. Relationship Comes First The primary purpose of these conferences is to establish, maintain, and strengthen the relationship between the adult and each child. This focus shifts the dynamic from a teacher looking for faults or scolding about unfinished work. Rather, it’s a collegial conversation that enables children to take an active and engaged role in their own education. These connective conversations are grounded in relationship-building because when children feel emotionally safe and genuinely respected, they are far more willing to reflect, stretch themselves, and take responsibility for their growth. Every Child, as Often as They Need Montessori Guides aim to meet regularly with every child, but what “regularly” looks like can vary based on individual needs. Some children benefit from a longer, more formal conference every few weeks. Others need brief, frequent check-ins, sometimes lasting only a minute or two. These short moments might look like a quick conversation at the beginning of the morning, a gentle pause beside a table, or a quiet walk across the room together. The length of the meeting is not what matters. What is important is the message it sends: “I see you. I know your work. I care about how this is going for you.” What Happens in a Child-Guide Conference? While conferences vary based on each individual and the moment, they often include: The child bringing their learning journal or work (finished and unfinished) The guide bringing observational records A shared look at what has been accomplished Gentle reflection on what still feels unfinished Planning for what might come next Scheduling new lessons or presentations Support with larger projects: breaking them into steps, mapping timelines, imagining the finished product This collaborative time also provides an opportunity to experiment with new strategies (“Would you like to try creating a prioritized list?”), celebrate successes (“You worked so hard on your presentation! How did it feel to share your work?”), and reflect upon challenges (“It seems like you’ve been feeling a bit stuck in your research project. Tell me more about what is going on.”). Learning to Define “Finished” One of the most freeing lessons children learn in Montessori is that not every piece of work must be finished to an adult’s standard. Sometimes children accomplish exactly what they set out to do, and continuing would add nothing meaningful. Other times, interest has naturally ended, and letting go is healthy. This is not about lowering expectations. It is about honoring children’s internal sense of completion and learning when to release what no longer serves a purpose. Trusting Children’s Self-Assessment A cornerstone of these conferences is trust. Guides listen carefully to how children assess their own work and articulate their goals. When an adult truly accepts children’s self-assessment, something powerful happens: children begin to see themselves as capable, thoughtful, and worthy of being taken seriously. Children often receive more from the tone and sentiment of these meetings than from the actual content discussed. The Whole Child Matters Because Montessori education is concerned with the whole child, conferences may naturally move beyond academics. A Guide might gently offer support with social dynamics or ask about recent struggles during outdoor time. These moments provide a safe space for children to reflect on their own social, emotional, and physical development, and to recognize that there is a network of support. When Relationships Need Repair Even in the most thoughtful classrooms, relationships can become strained. What matters is how adults respond. It is never too late for a Guide to sit with a child and say, honestly: “I’ve been thinking about how we’ve been interacting recently, and I’d love to brainstorm with you about what I could do differently.” When an adult takes responsibility, without demanding the child do the same, something shifts. Trust begins to rebuild. Real dialogue becomes possible. Children learn from this modeling. In time, after they feel safe, they often step forward to take responsibility themselves. What Children Are Really Learning Through these quiet, intentional meetings, children learn that: their thoughts and feelings matter, adults can be trusted, mistakes are part of growth, reflection leads to independence, and relationships can be repaired. And while these conferences may happen quietly in a corner of the classroom, their impact echoes far beyond it. This is true preparation for life. To learn more about the long-term benefits of Montessori, visit us here in Lenox, MA!