We Can Serve as Guides

Meagan Ledendecker • February 18, 2024

Image of woman and a girl sitting in front of a rock face working on crafts

As adults, we often step into particular kinds of roles with children. We can be parents, aunts, uncles. We can be coaches, mentors, teachers. Each role has a set of expectations, often with an unspoken rule that the adult knows best and that children will learn from us.

Yet the roles adults can play in children’s lives can be much more nuanced. We can facilitate, suggest, model, and observe. The world can teach and the adults can serve as guides in a process of learning and discovery.

Be Curious

In the Positive Discipline approach, adults guide growth and learning by asking “curiosity questions.” The key is not to rely on scripted questions but rather to be genuinely curious, perhaps asking questions like:

How do you feel about what happened?
What were you trying to accomplish?
What did you learn?
How do you think you might use what you learned?
What ideas do you have for solutions?

Avoiding the question “why?” is also important as it can sound accusatory and can lead to a child feeling defensive.

Sometimes a young person in our life is struggling, perhaps lashing out verbally or doing everything they can emotionally hurt others. If we can wonder what might be behind their behavior, we can shift our approach. We can also be curious about what we want or need in the interaction. For example, sometimes when a young person is struggling, we just want to know how we can help that person feel better. If that is the case, we can ask the question full-heartedly: “What can I do to help you have a better day?”

Shift to Support

When we shift our roles and think about how to learn more about what our children are feeling, thinking, and exploring, we become meaningful guides. Rather than dispensing information, we can help children make discoveries. This is an essential part of what Montessori teachers do each day in our learning communities.

For example, elementary-aged children often make amazing connections in their learning. An elementary student can be ecstatic due to a discovery about the periodic table, as recently happened with a young learner: “Look!” she exclaimed. “Gold has the symbol Au, because the Latin name for gold is aurum. Au for aurum!” Because this young person had discovered this connection on her own, the knowledge was so much more invigorating and inspiring than had an adult instructed her about etymology and periodic table symbols.

Honor the Process

In How Children Learn, John Holt describes children’s process of learning: “The child is curious. He wants to make sense of things, find out how things work, gain competence and control over himself and his environment, and do what he can see other people doing. He is open, perceptive, and experimental. He does not merely observe the world around him. He does not shut himself off from the strange, complicated world around him, but tastes it, touches it, hefts it, bends it, breaks it. To find out how reality works, he works on it. He is bold. He is not afraid of making mistakes. And he is patient. He can tolerate an extraordinary amount of uncertainty, confusion, ignorance, and suspense.”

Children naturally want to figure out the world and themselves. Thus, we can be thoughtful guides through this remarkable world of ours. We can entice. We can inspire. We can show possible paths.

In our Montessori classrooms, we recognize the incredible power in children’s process of experimenting, observing, making mistakes, and experiencing the world around them. Rather than serve as the experts dispensing knowledge, we act as guides.

Curious to see how the role of adults can shift? Schedule a tour to see how we support children in nuanced ways.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

The Most Important Montessori Practice You Rarely Hear About

By Meagan Ledendecker • February 23, 2026

One of the quieter, less visible practices in a Montessori elementary classroom is the Child-Guide conference. You may never see it listed on a schedule or mentioned in a weekly update, yet it plays a profound role in children’s experience at school. Relationship Comes First The primary purpose of these conferences is to establish, maintain, and strengthen the relationship between the adult and each child. This focus shifts the dynamic from a teacher looking for faults or scolding about unfinished work. Rather, it’s a collegial conversation that enables children to take an active and engaged role in their own education. These connective conversations are grounded in relationship-building because when children feel emotionally safe and genuinely respected, they are far more willing to reflect, stretch themselves, and take responsibility for their growth. Every Child, as Often as They Need Montessori Guides aim to meet regularly with every child, but what “regularly” looks like can vary based on individual needs. Some children benefit from a longer, more formal conference every few weeks. Others need brief, frequent check-ins, sometimes lasting only a minute or two. These short moments might look like a quick conversation at the beginning of the morning, a gentle pause beside a table, or a quiet walk across the room together. The length of the meeting is not what matters. What is important is the message it sends: “I see you. I know your work. I care about how this is going for you.” What Happens in a Child-Guide Conference? While conferences vary based on each individual and the moment, they often include: The child bringing their learning journal or work (finished and unfinished) The guide bringing observational records A shared look at what has been accomplished Gentle reflection on what still feels unfinished Planning for what might come next Scheduling new lessons or presentations Support with larger projects: breaking them into steps, mapping timelines, imagining the finished product This collaborative time also provides an opportunity to experiment with new strategies (“Would you like to try creating a prioritized list?”), celebrate successes (“You worked so hard on your presentation! How did it feel to share your work?”), and reflect upon challenges (“It seems like you’ve been feeling a bit stuck in your research project. Tell me more about what is going on.”). Learning to Define “Finished” One of the most freeing lessons children learn in Montessori is that not every piece of work must be finished to an adult’s standard. Sometimes children accomplish exactly what they set out to do, and continuing would add nothing meaningful. Other times, interest has naturally ended, and letting go is healthy. This is not about lowering expectations. It is about honoring children’s internal sense of completion and learning when to release what no longer serves a purpose. Trusting Children’s Self-Assessment A cornerstone of these conferences is trust. Guides listen carefully to how children assess their own work and articulate their goals. When an adult truly accepts children’s self-assessment, something powerful happens: children begin to see themselves as capable, thoughtful, and worthy of being taken seriously. Children often receive more from the tone and sentiment of these meetings than from the actual content discussed. The Whole Child Matters Because Montessori education is concerned with the whole child, conferences may naturally move beyond academics. A Guide might gently offer support with social dynamics or ask about recent struggles during outdoor time. These moments provide a safe space for children to reflect on their own social, emotional, and physical development, and to recognize that there is a network of support. When Relationships Need Repair Even in the most thoughtful classrooms, relationships can become strained. What matters is how adults respond. It is never too late for a Guide to sit with a child and say, honestly: “I’ve been thinking about how we’ve been interacting recently, and I’d love to brainstorm with you about what I could do differently.” When an adult takes responsibility, without demanding the child do the same, something shifts. Trust begins to rebuild. Real dialogue becomes possible. Children learn from this modeling. In time, after they feel safe, they often step forward to take responsibility themselves. What Children Are Really Learning Through these quiet, intentional meetings, children learn that: their thoughts and feelings matter, adults can be trusted, mistakes are part of growth, reflection leads to independence, and relationships can be repaired. And while these conferences may happen quietly in a corner of the classroom, their impact echoes far beyond it. This is true preparation for life. To learn more about the long-term benefits of Montessori, visit us here in Lenox, MA!