Why Do We Care So Much About Independence?

Meagan Ledendecker • July 19, 2021

 “The only true freedom for an individual is to have the opportunity to act independently … there is no such thing as an individual until a person can act by himself.”
–Dr. Maria Montessori,
Education and Peace


If you’re reading this article, you already know how much we Montessorians love to talk about independence. It’s enmeshed in everything we do, and for very good reasons. Here are our top three:


It builds lasting confidence. 

“We must help the child to act for himself, will for himself, think for himself; this is the art of those who aspire to serve the spirit.” –Dr. Maria Montessori, Education for a New World


As parents and caregivers, our natural inclination is to help and support our children. Imagine a newborn baby, completely dependent on others to have its most basic needs met. Of course we want to help! That instinct never really goes away, and it’s so strong that we need to actively remind ourselves to step back even as our children mature into adults.

 

However, imagine a toddler. It’s time to get to the car so that everyone makes it to school and work on time. Parents are feeling the rush of schedules, and feel a bit of frustration when, at the last moment, their little one insists on putting their own jacket on themselves. There are several ways to handle this situation, but what if we took two minutes out of our day to show the child how to stretch each arm into a sleeve and then gave them an opportunity to practice?

 

Imagine the feeling a small person must have when they are first able to do something for themselves that previously meant relying upon others?

 

Imagine the messages you are sending the child. That you believe they are capable. That you trust their judgement. That their work is important.

 

Each time a child learns to do something without the assistance of an adult, they build up their confidence, and it becomes exponentially easier to believe in themselves as time goes on.

 

What more could we want for our children? Of course we all want our children to feel confident, but it’s easier to forget how to nurture the development of confidence. It’s in the small, everyday things. It starts early and never really ends.

 

It allows us to honor individuality.

“The child looks for his independence first, not because he does not desire to be dependent on the adult. But because he has in himself some fire, some urge, to do certain things and not other things.” –Dr. Maria Montessori, The Theosophist


While raising our children, we make countless decisions as we consider what will best prepare them for their futures. We envision their lives stretched out ahead and we want to do everything in our power to give them every possible advantage (including, perhaps, sending them to a Montessori school!).


It can feel counterintuitive, then, that we do all of this to allow for them to become whoever they actually are on the inside. A child’s true self may clash completely with what we think they are or should be. Even the most idealistic and accepting of parents may sometimes find themselves surprised when a child indicates they feel they ought to be something other than what we imagined.


But, individuality exists for a reason.


As human beings we are constantly evolving and discovering our personal journeys. What better gift might we give our children than our full support as they discover who they really are? Whether your child is expressing themselves through seemingly wacky clothing choices or surprising new hobbies, or talking about their identity in a deeper sense, just knowing that they are loved and supported is what children really need.


Our children may travel through various phases, but they will be so much stronger and secure if they are allowed the freedom to explore and discover themselves without judgement or interference.


It prepares children for life beyond childhood.

“The child who has never learned to work by himself, to set goals for his own acts, or to be the master of his own force of will is recognizable in the adult who lets others guide his will and feels a constant need for approval of others.” –Dr. Maria Montessori, Education and Peace


We’ll just come out and remind you of the truth: children don’t remain children forever. There will come a day when they walk out the front door as adults weaving themselves into the fabric of our society.


Of course, it doesn’t happen quite so suddenly as all that. From the day they are born, it is our job to slowly, gradually, release boundaries and restrictions until our children are able to make safe and healthy decisions for themselves and those around them.


Kids need their parents. Honestly, kids need their parents even when they’re not actually kids anymore. There is nothing wrong with remembering, throughout life, to lean on one another for support and guidance.


We have a great responsibility of leading our children toward becoming independent adults. There are obvious ways to support this work: teaching practical life skills, assigning chores, giving choices. But there are hundreds of thousands of tiny moments throughout a childhood in which parents can decide to let a child be independent. We learn when our child is ready (often because they tell us so), and we take that deep breath and allow them to do things themselves.


There will be failures along the way (both on our part and our children's), but that is a glorious part of learning. Even those tricky moments when we don’t feel successful are important moments. They help us become resilient, and eventually motivate us to keep trying.


We leave you with this final, simple thought, often stated but so worth the repetition:


Follow the child.

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If you've spent any time in a Montessori early childhood classroom, you've likely noticed the sandpaper letters on the shelf: elegant, tactile, traced by small fingers again and again. And if you've looked closely, you may have noticed something that surprises many families. Those letters are in cursive. In a world where most children learn to print first, Montessori's cursive-first approach raises questions. Why cursive? Why so early? The answers reach back to Dr. Maria Montessori's own careful observations of children, as well as forward to what modern neuroscience is now confirming about the developing brain. What Dr. Montessori Actually Observed Dr. Montessori was a meticulous observer of children, and her thinking about writing developed through years of direct experimentation. One of her core observations was that children naturally gravitate toward curved, flowing lines rather than the rigid, straight strokes that were (and often still are) the starting point for teaching print. She noticed this pattern across multiple contexts. When children who were learning to write began with rows of straight strokes, their attention would gradually drift, and the straight lines would slowly transform into curves, as if the child's hand were following its own natural inclination. And when children drew spontaneously by tracing figures in sand with a fallen twig, or scribbling freely on paper, they rarely produced short, straight lines. Instead, they made long, flowing, interlaced curves. Dr. Montessori paid attention. Rather than something random, she recognized the hand's natural motion expressing itself. Critical of standard teaching approaches that began with isolated geometric strokes, or regimented mark-making, Dr. Montessori saw that cursive script, with its connected, flowing letters, aligned far more naturally with the motions children were already making. It worked with the child's hand, rather than against it. The Neurological Case for Cursive Thanks to her keen observations, Dr. Montessori intuited benefits that research is now beginning to confirm. Modern brain science provides a compelling case for the value of cursive writing. This is especially powerful in early childhood, when the brain is forming the connections that will support reading, fine motor coordination, and cognitive development for years to come. Dr. William R. Klemm, writing in Psychology Today, summarized findings showing that learning cursive trains the brain to develop what researchers call “functional specialization,” or the capacity for optimal efficiency. Brain imaging studies show how multiple areas of the brain are activated simultaneously during cursive writing in a way that doesn't happen with typing or print. The integration of sensation, movement control, and thinking that cursive requires appears to support broader cognitive development in genuinely significant ways. Klemm also suggested that learning cursive trains the brain for more effective visual scanning, with potential benefits for reading speed and hand-eye coordination. In other words, the child who traces cursive sandpaper letters with their fingertips is developing neural pathways that support a wide range of future learning. Clarity, Beauty, and the Practical Benefits Beyond the neurological research, there are practical reasons that Montessori educators have observed over generations of practice. Cursive provides a better visual distinction between letters that are easily confused in print. Think about the pairs that trip up so many young learners: b and d, p and q. In cursive, these letters look different from one another, which reduces the visual confusion that causes so many children to struggle in the early stages of reading and writing. And then there is the matter of beauty, something Dr. Montessori took seriously in everything she prepared for children. She wrote that, in teaching writing, we should pay close attention to "the beauty of form" and "the flowing quality of the letters." Cursive handwriting, when developed well, is genuinely lovely. It is a form of penmanship that connects children to a long tradition of human expression through the written word. The Montessori approach treats handwriting as a craft worth caring about. What This Looks Like in the Classroom In a Montessori early childhood environment, the path to writing begins long before a child picks up a pencil. Practical life activities like pouring, spooning, buttoning, and lacing quietly help children develop the fine motor control and hand-eye coordination that writing requires. The sensorial materials train children’s pincer grip and refine the precision of small muscle movements. And the metal insets give children practice with the flowing, curved lines that build cursive letters. Then children begin using the sandpaper letters. While verbalizing the phonetic sound, children trace the letter with two fingers. Children feel the letter, produce its sound, and see its form. This multi-sensory experience engages multiple brain areas simultaneously and creates rich, layered associations that support both writing and reading development. By the time children are ready to write independently, they have been preparing their hand and mind for months, often without even realizing it. A Method Ahead of Its Time Dr. Montessori consistently arrived at insights that research has later confirmed. Her reasons for emphasizing cursive were rooted in direct observation of children. She watched children’s hands and their natural movements. She also looked to see what helped them and what created unnecessary struggle. Dr. Montessori wasn't following a trend or a theory. She was following the child. Decades later, brain imaging technology and developmental research are catching up to what Dr. Montessori saw. Flowing lines of cursive script, the sandpaper letters on the shelf, the careful preparation of the hand before children ever pick up the pencil. This is a deep and practical understanding of how children's minds and bodies actually work. For families curious about why Montessori makes this choice, the short answer is this: because children's hands already know how to make these movements. Montessori simply listens to what the hand is already telling us and builds from there. Visit our school in Lenox, MA and see the sandpaper letters and writing materials in action. We'd love to show you how the path to writing unfolds in Montessori.
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